The Top 5 Reasons People Get a Divorce, According to a Divorce Lawyer

Approximately 1 in 3 Australian marriages end in divorce, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics.  Couples aren’t “meeting at the altar” with the intent of future divorce, so what is happening? There is no simple answer to this question. It is, however, a question worth exploring if you are considering marriage or have already tied the proverbial knot. As a divorce lawyer I see couples at their breaking point. Divorce is a complex and painful process, and one that is best prevented if possible. While every situation is unique, I see overarching and consistent themes driving couples to their end-point. Let’s take a look at the top 5 reasons I have observed that lead to divorce; as well as some proactive course corrections you can take if you see yourself heading down that path.

1. Breakdown in Communication

Poor communication is one of the most common reasons couples end up in my office. Good communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. If couples are not able to express their thoughts, feelings and needs openly, misunderstanding can fester and escalate into major conflicts. This breakdown in communication often leads to feelings of isolation and resentment, which in turn makes reconciliation increasingly more difficult.

Self-help tip: Set aside a few moments of time each week for a little “check-in” with your partner. Agree to this being a judgement-free space where each partner feels comfortable to express their thoughts, feelings and concerns. This may take some practice at first, but can become a game-changer in preventing minor issues from escalating into major ones.

Pro tip: If you get stuck and are unable to repair your communication patterns on your own, consider seeking help from a couples therapist. A professional therapist can take an objective look at your pitfalls and offer helpful strategies that are catered to your individual relationship needs.

2. Financial Strain

Many of us are feeling the pinch in today’s financial climate. This not only creates interpersonal stress, but can cause major strain on your relationship. Couples may not see eye to eye on how to manage their spending, saving or debt–this can place immense strain on the relationship.

Self-help tip: Make budgeting a team effort. Sit down together and outline your financial goals, such as saving for a home, vacations, or paying off debt. Transparency is key in managing financial stress as a couple.

Pro tip: If you are unable to navigate this on your own, consider consulting a financial advisor. An unbiased and professional opinion can go a long way in setting you on the path to resolution.

3. Growing Apart

Growth and personal evolution is a natural part of being human. Marital strain can occur when partners are growing in opposite directions and end up feeling like strangers or glorified roommates.

Self-help tip: Make a concerted effort to nurture mutual interests. If you don’t currently have any, find some new ones. Shared experiences foster emotional closeness.

Pro tip: Personal growth is essential, but balance it with shared growth. A couples therapist can help both partners explore their evolving identities and realign their goals as a team, without sacrificing individual growth.

4. Unrealistic Expectations

From social media to Disney films, relationships are often romanticised and portrayed as flawless couples living ideal lives. This depiction can subconsciously shape our expectations of what our own relationship should be. However, real relationships rarely match these idealised images, and our perception can become skewed as a result.

Self-help tip: Take an honest look at your expectations of the relationship. Ensure you are not comparing someone else’s curated highlight reel to your real-life lived experience. Be intentional in focusing on the aspects of your partner that you are grateful for.

Pro tip: A relationship coach or therapist can help you take a step back and look at your relationship through a different lens.

5. Infidelity

Cheating is not only one of the top reasons that couples seek divorce, but also one of the most painful. It is the ultimate betrayal of trust, and trust is the foundation of a relationship. It is possible to recover from infidelity, but it requires complete transparency, honest communication and a commitment to rebuilding trust over time. If this is the goal, then addressing the root causes, such as lack of communication or unmet emotional needs, is essential to healing and preventing further damage.

Self-help tip: Start with open, honest conversations about why the infidelity occurred. Both partners must be willing to take responsibility for their roles in the relationship’s breakdown and commit to rebuilding trust, step by step.

Pro tip: Most couples who have experienced infidelity require professional intervention to nurture healing. Couples therapy can offer a safe place to work through pain and rebuild trust.

Identifying some of the common marital pitfalls that lead to divorce can be key in prevention. If you see your relationship headed down the path to destruction, try some of the above tips to foster a healthier relationship. If you are currently going through a separation, seeking professional guidance can be incredibly beneficial. A great starting point for anyone facing divorce is to join New Way Lawyers’ Lunch with a Lawyer Facebook Group, where you can ask questions at no cost.

By Carolyn Devries, founder of New Way Lawyers

Carolyn grew up on a farm in central west NSW, where she admired the tenacity of sheep that strayed from the herd. At 17, she moved to the city to study law, but grew disillusioned by the lack of affordable legal services. Determined to create change, she founded Australia’s first non-profit law firm, New Way Lawyers, in 2009. As CEO, she utilizes her extensive legal and business qualifications, earning recognition through awards such as the Community and Government Award at the Queensland Telstra Business Women’s Awards. Carolyn’s initiative also extends to improving access to free legal advice through the “Lunch with a Lawyer” Facebook group. Guided by the ethos of Robert Frost’s “The Road Not Taken,” she is dedicated to making legal services accessible for those in need.

Want more? Click here for How Running Clubs Are Being Used As The New Dating Apps – Tech Drive Play